Give up, etc.

I found myself wedged between my mom's nightstand and the lateral wall of her bedroom. I clenched her sham pillow between my thighs and my torso, hugging it like it needed the Heimlich. I reread the email over and over, tears and heavy sobs blurring my vision.

Subject: 2017 Season

"This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make," it read. It went on to explain my reason and regret for pivoting away from competitive gymnastics.

Reflecting on this reflection:

This was one of the most expansive seasons of my life. I was 13. broke free from the cage of my congenital friendships. I was equipped with a skill-set to excel in diving and track (not that I truly cared about athletic success), I was enriched with novel relationships, I was empowered and autonomous. This may have been the first time I made a monumental decision for me, not for what I thought other people wanted for me.

However! If I decided to continue in the discomfort and agony of competitive gymnastics, I know I would have been praised for "sticking it out," and "persevering." It's an annoying truth. I have never, and will never regret "giving up." It was expansive, aligned, and necessary.

When faced with a decision, I like to ask consider those questions. Which option is more expansive? Which option feels more aligned? If "quitting" is more expansive, do it! But, instead of framing it as "quitting," think of it as "pivoting."

Or as James Clear puts it, ""Move toward the next thing, not away from the last thing. Same direction. Completely different energy."

Alrighty! Take care! Pivot! Luck and love, my friend!